The Spiritual Advantages of Rocking Chairs

I have come to believe that the simple rocking chair is a useful tool for contemplative prayer.  In an earlier post in this blog, “The Prayer of a Fool”, I said:

“My prayers barely have words anymore.   The few words I have are far from adequate to express what I pray.   There is little need for words, on my part.  I mostly just try to listen.  I listen for  the rhythm tapped out by heartbeat of creation and feel my own heart resonate.  Sometimes,  when I get out of the way, I hear the rhythm and tapping feet of the great, mystical, Divine dance.”

Simply listening and getting myself out of the way turn out to be a rigorous discipline that I have a difficult time maintaining.  It is hard for me to flush the concerns of the day from my mind.  It is not natural for me to let thoughts go unexamined or unevaluated.  Quieting myself so that I can begin to hear the rhythm of the Divine dance, is a delight more rare than I  imagined.

Rocking chairs help me.   I don’t sit still all that well.  Fidgeting is distracting and invites other thoughts that I then must let go.  The simple, gentle motion of the rocking chair provides just enough non-distracting physical motion that aids in quieting my mind and heart.  It’s soothing.  It occupies my body just enough that I don’t fidget and invite the other distractions in.

I believe that the rocking is soothing because it mimics the rhythm we first experienced in the womb.  It was our experience before we had any language.  Before language, our thoughts must be much simpler.  In many ways, I believe, our adult language is a limiting factor that must be overcome before this kind of prayerful communion is possible for me.  Before language, we don’t have that distraction.

Also, in the womb we must have had a very much simplified concept of self.   Unable to sustain our selves separately we are more open to simply receiving without question, exception or qualification.    Before we have a developed sense of self, it seems that it should be so much easier to empty our self and join the dance of all that is.

Rocking chairs, I believe, are another gift by the grace of the Divine.

Open Kitchen Syndrome

A friend recently diagnosed us with “Open Kitchen Syndrome.” I’m quite sure his diagnosis is correct.

“Open Kitchen Syndrome” is a lifestyle related condition. The primary symptom is numerous “children” in and around your kitchen, especially the refrigerator. The onset of the condition is almost invariably when the afflicted’s children are in their late teens, starting to drive and attending High School. Beyond that the symptoms seem to vary widely. Ours include strange noises in the night: “Hey, Mike your folks are out of chile. How can your Dad be out of chile?” or “They moved the cereal!” Some of our other symptoms are: frequent unusual arrival time of these “children” around meal times, one particular “child” has the uncanny ability to detect the existence of the little cartons of take out Chinese in our refrigerator from great distances. There are many more symptoms, but this should give you a fair idea of what to watch for, if you believe you may be developing “Open Kitchen Syndrome.”

I am able to pinpoint the exact moment when we began to develop “Open Kitchen Syndrome.” I’m sure this information will be very valuable to the Center for Disease Control. It will give a firm anchor point for the disease vector. It began innocently enough. Our oldest son called one Friday night, during his sophomore year:
“Dad, we just got out of the movie, can we come to our house and watch another one.”
“Sure, you want some pizza to go with the movie?”
“Yeah, that’d be great!”
I wasn’t sure at that first pizza party what we were getting into.

The next weekend, same story. This time it took us a couple of seconds to think: now, do we want to continue buying pizza and pop for these kids for the next umpteen years. We have never regretted our conclusion that yes, we did. As our daughter and younger son entered and emerged from High School the pattern continued and recreates itself every time they come home for a visit. They filled our family room on more nights than I can number. Not only do we have no regrets about developing “Open Kitchen Syndrome”, we have been greatly rewarded.

We are grateful to our own three children for being willing to bring their friends into our home. We are grateful to all of those who, though not our biological children, have become the Children of Our Hearts. They have blessed us with their friendship.

We were privileged to watch so many extraordinary young people finish their growing up. They generously included us in their lives, sometimes asking our advice, and always showering us with their love. They made our lives immeasurably more full, joyous and noisy. (Quiet is nice, but can be overrated.) They brought us their triumphs and occasionally their tragedies.

They have graduated from High School and moved into young adulthood. Blessedly, they are still very much a part of our lives. It has been reassuring to watch them go out into the world. They give us hope that they can solve the horridly difficult problems that they are inheriting. They are pursuing careers in psychology, medicine, ministry, teaching, counseling, firefighting, business, art therapy, engineering, acting and other fields. Many have taken time out to do the work of volunteer service in many areas and for extended periods of time.

Deb and I shall never be all of the change in the world that we thought we would be when we were their age. They may be the agents of some that change for us. I heard a wise man recently say: “If your trying to solve a problem that can be solved in your lifetime, you’re thinking too small!” There is a lot of truth to that and I feel assured that those future solutions are in good hands.

When they come to our kitchen now, they come with great tales of their journeys out into the world. Some come with spouses and partners, now. It can’t be too long before they will bring little ones. They will always be welcome. Sometimes it’s still pizza, sometimes its burgers and brats. Oh and, now that they are all old enough, they share their superior taste in beer. It’s always simple. It’s always more for the gathering than the eating. It is always rich and fun and we can never get enough of it.

We never regretted developing “Open Kitchen Syndrome.” It’s the finest affliction we shall ever enjoy.

A Wedding Toast

At Beth and Corey’s Wedding I was allowed, as Father of the Bride, a few moments to offer them a toast.  I offered something based upon the “Beauty Way Sing” from the Navajo tradition.  Several people seemed to have enjoyed it and asked if they could have a copy.  I never wrote down what I planned to say.  Here however is my best recollection of what I said, that evening at the Wedding Reception:

As Father of the Bride I now get a few moments to offer some wisdom, in the form of a toast to the Bride and Groom.  I have decided to borrow a bit of Navajo wisdom from the Beauty Way Sing.  The Beauty Way Sing is a period of chanting and dancing that may go on for several days.  I promise not to take that long.  It is often performed when a Navajo has been away for some extended period of time and has returned.  It is sung to restore the returned one to harmony with the land and the people who are the Navajo Nation.  The refrain is poignant and goes like this:

I walk in beauty

Beauty above me

Beauty below me

I walk in beauty

Beauty beside me

Beauty behind me

I walk in beauty

Beauty before me

On the beautiful trail, am I

I walk in beauty

Tonight, I’m going to substitute the word Love for Beauty.

Love Above you – You were God’s children before you were ours

Love Below you- Beth and Corey, as you stand here tonight you stand upon a firm foundation forged of the love of Parents, Grandparents, Brothers, Aunts and Uncles, Cousins by the dozens and friends (so many dear friends).  That foundation will bear you up in your life together.

Love Beside you-  Well, just look at you two standing there next to each other.

Love Behind you-  Look out at all the people in this room and think of the many more who have sent their love.  They are all here to put their love behind your marriage and are here to see that your married life is well launched.

Love before you-  With all that love above, below, beside and behind you, may you walk in the love before you all of your days.

So a toast to you, Beth and Corey, we love you.

Now. . . I offer it, also, as a continuing prayer for Beth and Corey’s marriage and their happiness.

A Prayer for the Straight Folks

At church Sunday we prayed particularly for our gay friends. It was a right and a good thing to do at the end of Pride week.

It put in my mind that I should offer a  prayer for us straight folks,  too.   Here is my prayer:

“Lord, we also pray for the straight folks. May they not remain so straight that they miss the brilliant colors and fine textures of the whole tapestry of humans being .”

Learning to Dance

Our daughter, Beth, and Corey Collins were married yesterday.   It was a beautiful wedding and almost everything went as planned.  They are well launched upon their married life.  The part of the wedding that I invested the most effort in was the “Father and Bride” dance.

If you know me, you know that my family has, for years, described me as rhythm impaired, incapable of dancing.   I have never tried to dance much.  But, for Beth’s wedding I wanted to be able to dance well with her.  So, I found a dance instructor.  Beth went along with the idea.  We practiced for a month before the wedding. Beth was very patient, kind and forgiving.  So, was the instructor.

We choreographed a simple waltz to the music of Sunrise, Sunset from “Fiddler on the Roof.”   It went very well, and the Mother of the Bride and our two sons, as well as the other guests, were surprised and happy.  The original mission was accomplished.

Yet, there was even more.  There was an even better, unexpected blessing:  I got to hold my daughter in my arms and gaze into her smiling eyes for a whole month.  As we practiced, I got better and we really began to dance, not just count steps.   On her wedding day we really enjoyed our  dance together.  I got to hold her in my arms and glide across the floor.  She was beautiful and happy.   For a brief shining moment everything in the world was in its perfect place.  I will be forever grateful to God and Beth for that one moment.  It means more to me than I will ever be able to say.

For A Friend, a Montana Wildflower

I have a friend who,

through the long nights of the past winter,

experienced several hardships and losses.

But, she is a sturdy woman

of frontier Montana stock.

The last of Winter and the late Spring have left her with an abundance of pain.

Yet,she,

like the wildflowers under the Big Sky,

heavy laden with snow the whole of this last long winter,

shall push through the last of that snow

to bloom the colors of the rainbow.

Joy shall,

as surely as the bloom of the wildflowers,

return for her.

It is just their nature:

my friend’s

and the wildflowers’.

Stand by Me

Stand By Me Playing for Change, Peace Through Music.

I have received that link from at least a half dozen sources.  That speaks to the common chord the music and images strike in so many of us.  What can our world be, if we simply continue to stand by one another?

Sometimes we stand with the multitudes when we have a common vision of what is right, just and worth standing for.  Sometimes we  stand with the one or a few of like mind because we believe we are right and true to our convictions.

Sometimes we  stand with someone: when there is a good chance they shall  fall,  like when you’re not sure they’re right or when you’re pretty sure they are wrong.  But you stand with them because otherwise they would be alone.  Sometimes we are called to stand by those who are having trouble standing on their own, especially if  someone is trying to knock them down.  Sometimes we are called to stand with those who must bear the consequence of their own actions or decisions.  It’s not that we participate in or condone those actions or decisions.  We stand with them to add our strength to theirs to face what must be faced.

Sometimes you stand by someone you believe is right and good and honorable.  Even if  the most sensible thing would be to run and take them with you.

In my mind, the essence of  “Stand by Me” is  the call to stand by another human being because they are human and for whatever reason they need you stand by them.  That could change the world.

Maundy Thursday Reflections on John, Ch. 13

Jesus Washes Peter’s Feet

John 13: 1 -15.

¹ Now before the festival of the Passover, Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart from this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. ² The devil had already put it into the heart of Judas son of Simon Iscariot to betray him. And during supper ³ Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going to God, ⁴ got up from the table, took off his outer robe, and tied a towel around himself.

⁵ Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was tied around him. ⁶ He came to Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”⁷ Jesus answered, “You do not know now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”⁸ Peter said to him, “You will never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no share with me.” ⁹ Peter said to him, “Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!” ¹⁰ Jesus said to him, “One who has bathed does not need to wash, except for the feet, but is entirely clean. And you are clean, though not all of you.” ¹¹ For he knew who was to betray him; for this reason he said, “Not all of you are clean.” ¹² After he had washed their feet, had put on his robe, and had returned to the table, he said to them, “Do you know what I have done to you? ¹³ You call me Teacher and Lord–and you are right, for that is what I am. ¹⁴ So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. ¹⁵ For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you.

I have been musing on this passage from John at times over the last couple of years. It has come up in my life in a variety of ways. However, not in ways that are addressed by most commentaries on this passage or sermons that I have heard taking this story as their theme. Most of the commentaries and sermons focus on this passage as a lesson in humble service. Surely, that lesson is in this passage.

What has been interesting me is another lesson that I have drawn from this passage. I think there is a subtle lesson about receiving God’s love to fulfill our relationship. A relationship of love is complete or fulfilled when love is both given and received. Receiving love sounds so simple and easy. It may be for many. But, for Peter and for me and those like Peter and me, it isn’t. I believe that Jesus’ words to Peter were for us.

The story is set within the Last Supper, a Seder enjoyed earlier on the evening Jesus was arrested and taken before the High Priest and Pilate. The Apostles gathered round the Seder table. They were engaged in lively conversation. The scripture doesn’t say but there should be an excited child preparing to search out the hidden bread and to initiate the important dialog by asking the appointed questions. In my image, this part of the story occurs just as they are all about to sit down for the opening chapter of this history in a meal. The Apostles are so engaged in their conversation that they don’t even notice as Jesus removes is robe, takes up the basin and the towel and begins to wash the feet of the guests. As striking as that may sound to us, none of those who were present even questioned it, until Jesus came to Peter.

Peter questions what Jesus is doing. Question is too mild a word. He rebels and refuses, telling Jesus he has it all wrong.  Jesus’ act takes Peter out of his comfort zone. Peter immediately wants to reorder the roles into something he is more comfortable with. Peter wants to wash Jesus’  feet to exhibit his loyalty and his willingness to serve.

If servant hood were the only lesson to be derived here, Jesus could have allowed Peter to wash his feet, heaped praise upon him and held him up as the classroom example. Peter would have regained his comfort zone and maybe even glowed a little in light of such praise. But, that is not what Jesus did.

Jesus did not allow Peter back into his comfort zone. In some translations Jesus threatens Peter: unless you sit still, I will withdraw from you. “Unless I wash you, you have no share with me.” Peter  immediately backfills: “Oh, I am so sorry. I didn’t understand what you were doing. If that’s what this is about then wash all of me.” Peter still didn’t understand. Jesus came back to Peter again: “No, Peter, you probably won’t understand all of this now; but, it is not about whether you are clean or dirty, physically or spiritually.”

The subtle lesson, I believe, is that Peter needs to learn to receive Jesus’ love. I hear Jesus say:

Peter, I must teach you yet one more lesson about love. Without this lesson you don’t have the full picture. You know the acts of love. I have seen you perform them among my Apostles and among my people. This lesson is about receiving love. You must sit still and allow me to wash your feet, as my act of love for you. Peter, it will not be enough for you to be all the other things. Even if you spend the rest of your life in the most humble of service to others, it won’t be your full share. To enjoy your full share in Me, you must receive My love. We must complete the cycle, we must fulfill our relationship completely.

Love completes its cycle when it is both given and received! So simple! It is one of the hardest things I have come across in my life. I think, like many men, I know much about loving in the active sense. I can do loving things. It is much more difficult for me to accept, understand and gratefully receive love directed toward me.

Love completes its cycle when it is given and received.  Blessings be upon you.  Go, gratefully receive the acts of love all around you, and live in that love.

Be Kinder than Necessary

“Be kinder than necessary.  Everyone you meet is fighting some battle.” -Unknown

Everybody has their own battles.  Most folks never allow you to see the battles they are fighting.  They don’t even let on.  You don’t need to know everyone’s battles.  Just assume that they are being waged and “be kinder than necessary.”

There’s a funny thing about that sort of kindness, it has an unusual rebound.  Somehow, that kindness comes back to bless you in your own battles.   I don’t mean that someone will be kinder than necessary to you.  Though, that often happens, and isn’t it wonderful.  No, I mean your own act of kindness has a reflexive quality to it.  Your own kindness is your benefactor.

Besides, it can’t hurt.

Alignment

“I have been thinking of you all day.  I know this is a difficult time. ….  Just now I was looking at the Moon  with Venus directly below.  Beautiful!  Spoke to me of alignment.  And of you.”

These are the words of a very good friend, sent to me at a critical time.  Every man should have such friends.

I am in a time of sadness and very difficult decisions.  The decisions are of the nature where all available choices are hurtful to someone.  They are choices in which right and justice are incredibly difficult to discern.  In fact, there may be no just or right decision.  The consequences of these decisions shall be profound and hurtful for a long time.  Others are involved in making these decisions and there is much unproductive contention.

These decisions bring the wounded child in each of us very near the surface.    My own wounds are not yet fully sacred scars, but I have done some work in that direction.  For others the wounds, though old, are still fresh, raw and untreated.  The decisions before us should not be made by wounded children.   That our wounded children have surfaced,  makes it even more difficult to decide rightly, justly and compassionately.  They make it more difficult to find alignment.

More of my good friend’s wise words:

“May you find the presence of God in this very breath now, which although perhaps heavy, anxious and overshadowed with concern screams with life and invitation of alignment and release.

Following Christ – for real- we eventually discover that we are not delivered from suffering and hardship, but rather plunged into the heart of the world and destined to find our true alignment in the universe in the struggle, in the emptiness, darkness, silence, surrender, in the unrelenting grip of the only One who knows our true name.

During this time may you find yourself aligned with what truly matters, in alignment with life itself.”

My very good friend’s words gave me great consolation.  I still don’t know exactly what to do.  I haven’t completed the contentious course of dealing with my own wounded child, much less, those of others.

I am struggling to find alignment.  I know my early attempts will probably fail and I shall have to try again and again.  But,  I know that eventually alignment shall come.  The grip of the Holy One, the only One who knows my true name,  shall not fail.  Every thing belongs and I am part, a mote, in the vast sea of everything.  I belong!

I belong!   There is no membership application or determination of my acceptability.  There are no dues to pay.  Knocking at the door is unnecessary noise, I’m already inside.

In the grasp of the Holy One, I blissfully remain.: safe, warm, fed, rested, loved.

Home at last, home at last.

“…All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.” – Dame Julian of Norwich, 14th century English anchoress and mystic.